I’ve tried to do this before and write a blog. Needless to say I failed at it, and looking back at what I wrote, I was trying to be insightful without the insight. I just deleted the blog post that I wrote last week, again insight without the sight. So I’m going to try something new, just writing, thoughts and feelings as honestly as I can, with as little editing as possible. Please excuse the many spelling mistakes therefore that you will no doubt see. I’m also hoping I’ll discover a style of writing, I’m pretty sure these first few entries are going to feel like reading a wall of light grey text on a dark grey background.
I’m going to endeavour to write something every day, even if its a sentence, even if nothing of note has happened with my day to try and reflect. I did a taster workshop this week with a batch of new MA students on the Frantic Assembly programme. I told them what my university tutor told me. Reflect. Reflect on everything, be objective when you can, and learn from your process, your success, and your failure. I wasn’t quite so succinct when I said this in the room, but I did say to reflect. Now it’s time to practice what I preach because I’m at a point where I need to, otherwise I feel like I’m going to fry my brain with questions that I’m not processing.
In a way I’ve been inspired by an idea I’ve been working on with a new friend. Looking at Youtube and Twitch, streaming and vlogging. We find the whole art form of it fascinating and I’m really hopeful that something will come from this idea and collaboration. But as I’ve been researching and watching vlogs today I’ve been struck by the range of authenticity that they are presenting. Each vlogger/streamer in their own way, presenting a version of themselves, but they are often sharing the most mundane of stories in their own way. Millions of views in the most extremes of cases, down to the hundreds, even double figures at the other end. Some people doing it for fame, others for artistic desires, others I’m sure its almost a form of therapy. So this is almost my way of exploring that, trying to present some form of authenticity from me, and trying to figure out what comes of it.
So to detail where I’m at now. I graduated 2014. I was fortunate in that I went straight into a job with Frantic Assembly. If you are reading this, I’m sure you know that. I then proceeded to work with the National Youth Theatre where I have made plenty of great friends, as with Frantic. I’ve also been fortunate to have picked up some other jobs along the way. Today I’ve been trying to fill out an application for an Associate Director position at a theatre, and as I write my experience for each “Essential Criteria”, I find myself thinking that I’ve not done enough. I could be wrong, I may have plenty, but I feel like I’ve not branched out entirely the way I aimed. Which is fine, no one really knows where they are going right? I hope I don’t sound ungrateful, I’m incredibly fortunate that I have had the opportunities I have had, and I did work for them. But I don’t feel like I’ve really made what I’ve wanted to make just yet.
And thats what I want to do, that’s what I’ve always said I wanted to do. But as I look at all the things I want to make I'm almost overwhelmed by it all and I turn on the Xbox. Sometimes a great idea, sometimes a bad habit.
But I want to make something this year, something I know is mine. I hope in a few months I’ll be able to share something with you, something on the horizon that I can share with you all. For now I’m looking for collaborators, people to talk with and reflect ideas. I went to a Director/Designer speed dating thing at the Young Vic last night, and it was great to meet so many hungry and talented artists. I hope some of them become friends. But I also want to work with the people I already know, and the friends I already have to make something. So if you read this and you want to make something, then let me know, I’m game.
As I’m writing I’m aware of all the opportunities and luck I’ve already had. I’m aware of the opportunities I’ve missed, or not used properly. I’m hoping that I’ve learned from some of my failures over the last few years. Some of them I should reflect on properly and may do here. I’m also aware of all the times I’ve held my tongue and not said what I thought because I thought it would come back to haunt me in some way. I hope I can be as honest as I can in these posts, for myself but also in case there are other creatives out there with the same fears, ideas or reservations. But for now I’m writing to grow, to research, to build a diary, to build a personal resource, to find other people. I hope someone else finds this useful themselves somewhere down the line.
If you actually took the time to read all that then thanks, and welcome to my journey :)