(Currently listening to: The Greater Lights by Ranges)
Defeats and New Opportunities. I mean that’s what this business is, isn’t it? A constant string of defeats met with an almost blind optimism to see new opportunities appear. Most of the time they are pretty spaced out, the aftermath of a defeat sometimes takes longer to recover from than previous ones. Feels like being face down in the mud, and it’s difficult to see a sun over the horizon. Yet the sun does always rise.
Today the sun set and rose again very quickly. I spent my morning losing a job, (which I knew already really) but today I received the confirmation of it. I thought I would be better prepared for the inevitable news, but it still always hits. You have the helmet on, but it still hurts when you fall off. I find my mind often rattles from the shock. Suddenly you have all this time you were hoping you would have filled up that has suddenly been returned to you. You didn’t want the time back, but you have it now and you don’t really know what to do with it. I imagine this is a feeling that all freelancers have, not just those in theatre.
I like to think I’m pretty good at getting on with things in the face of defeat, and I still think I am. I killed time throwing some things in the slow cooker (a fantastic creation, if you’re a student invest in one). Then returned to the application that I am dragging out. Looking at an application, after losing something else, just fills me with dread. Every “essential criteria” is another thing that I feel I have very little of.
But the day continued and I’ve arranged a future time for an R&D, a small thing, but its a deadline thats been set. Something to spur on the creativity and have things ready for. I also went for a meeting to share some of the digital work I have. No set ideas to share, but past successes to share in the hope that they in turn will drive on something new. It was a great meeting, the small seeds of ideas just started to pop in to existence. Reassurance that I can generate good ideas, and ideas that I believe in.
So I returned to my application on the train, and suddenly the criteria doesn’t seem so daunting. My successes are applicable, and hopefully will be seen as such. I’ll keep my helmet on, but I’m back on the bike. The sun sank and rose very quickly today.
Couple of side notes: I put the music I’m listening to at the top, no real reason, the song seemed to fit what I was writing at the time, might be good to listen to it if you read this.
I’m also going to try write little lessons for me to take away, they may not connect to anything directly I have written here, but they have crossed my mind in the writing of this. I’m going to try keep writing them as these progress, I’m sure they will repeat, but I hope they will serve their purpose as current and future reminders.
Lessons: Practice my pitches more. Slow down my thinking. One thing at a time.