Needless to say I failed in my attempt to keep a regular blog, if you scroll you can see that it died on day 3. So I’m not committing to a regular blog, but something of a random update feed.
I find myself in the position of needing to take the plunge. Which is easier said than done. I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, watching boats set sail, forward for new and exciting journeys. I'm standing here saying to myself “I’d like to be on one of those boats”. Yet here I stand watching some get further away, and new ones set sail. It’s a grand image that I’ve put myself in to. I teeter bemused on the edge, wondering how I get down, how I even get a boat. But I know how to climb down, I know how to get the boat. In fact it’s not that romantic. I’m on the edge of a puddle, I merely need to step through it. But it feels like an ocean, and if I step wrong, that the puddle will swallow me.
I hope people who work in my field understand the sentiment. I see many of my friends doing incredible things at the moment, reaching goals far quicker than they ever thought possible. I’ve also seen friends hit the rocks, but alway re-emerge to the surface. But I’m so proud of them for even getting on the ship. I hope to be among them soon. Either sailing on, or in the wreckage of a dream.
Just to clarify my sudden desire for my romantic approach to this particular blog. I’ve been reading To Fight Alongside Friends by Captain Charlie May of the First World War. It’s the diary of a soldier who was killed in the Battle of the Somme, a true diary. He writes every day from the moment of his deployment, up until his death in battle. He writes every extract as if he were talking to his wife about the days events. Yet what strikes me is his poetic nature and wit. He talks of the horrors but also the boredom of war. He talks of it all with a clear enjoyment for language and the written word. It’s joyous and disheartening all at once. It’s a pleasure to read the words of a man so devoutly in love of his wife, and for his country. Yet devastating to think about what we have lost.
I am reading the words of a dreamer, who lived during the time of nightmares. We now live in a world of dreams, and only speak of nightmares.
Perhaps I’ve fallen for the trap, that I stare blankly at the possible defeats. But I know there are many more victories ahead of me, but only if I set sail for them.
I hope I will soon be able to report of my departure aboard my own ship. The preparations are certainly being made, at least in part. I hope they will soon become reality, and I will be able to share my ongoing voyage with you all.